Though I intended to write last week, the mixed emotions and nuttiness of work precluded that. A quick recap of the week. Monday I went to the doctors who did some moving, poking and prodding of my knees. Long story short, he told me to ice and take ibuprofen, and then reffered me for some PT for my knees. He asked how long my longest run had been, and I told him 12 miles. He said "you can do this". And so I changed from "I can't" to wrapping my brain around doing the race.
Had I to do it over again, I probably would have picked a less formidable half marathon to start. BAA was great (people were great, etc), but they are pretty clear about the course closing after 2.5 hours, and 1/5 of the people who signed up don't go. I wonder if some of them panic. I know I did.
Saturday was between Zen and panic. But I was in. Picked up my bib number. Put the D-ring on my shoe. Laid out my outfit. Reread the "It's all about the Medal" chapter in MARATHONING FOR MORTALS. And got to the place where I realized that, duh, I needed to enjoy this as much I as could. Why was I doing it otherwise?
I am still processing the race, but two thoughts. First, it was harder than I thought it would be. And I thought It would be pretty hard.
Second, I did it. I freaking ran a half marathon. It took me a little over 3 hours, but I started and finished.
As a friend said last night, I can never again say that I can't do something unless I try. And I will keep trying. The tangible goal of a half marathon helped so much. I am going to keep doing shorter runs this winter, and then set another goal for next season. Maybe a sprint tri?
Now to apply all of these lessons to my manuscript and desired writing life. Thing is, after yesterday I think I can do it.
I am scheduled to run my half marathon on Sunday, October 11. I am a physical and emotional wreck. Apparently, from what I've been told, this is normal. See, before you run a long race you cut down on your runs. It is called a taper. It is a time for rest and recovery in order to allow your body to prepare. And they say that the taper is a time where emotions run high, aches and pains come to the surface, etc. All true. In fact I am going to the doctor this AM to talk through "is this normal knee pain or not?". I suspect it may be IT band tightness–one of the assistant trainers on my half marathon team suggested a foam roller, which I got last night. A $20 torture device for self massage.
Now, a part of me is worried that I won't be able to run on Sunday. Another part of me hopes I can't. Fear is raising its ugly head, and this is the week to get my head in the game. Because so much of this is a mental game.
I write. I am not published, though it is a goal. Two reasons I have been able to keep training for this half marathon are the support of my BostonFit group, and the calendar goal. I have joined a Goal for Guppies group, hoping for (and getting) the group support. But the calendar goal isn't there. It is up to me. And there is the problem. Though it is a dream, I do not do all the work to make the dream come true.
Maybe this week, and this race (no matter what happens) will help me figure this disconnect out. And fix it.
There are likely to be a flurry of posts this week as I prepare for this run. And try to get my head in the game.