Reboot

I tried to have a weekly archive of my fabulous life. An online gratitude journal, if you will. It puttered out at the three month mark. I am not proud of this, nor have I been slacking off. Instead, I throw in the towel. Too much pressure.

And some things aren’t so fabulous. They just are what they are. Take, for instance, my current journey into meditation. I am trying, really trying. A weekly class. A conscious effort to try every day. But it is SO hard. Getting my mind to acknowledge then dismiss random thoughts is a chore. My patience is tried by other people. Long wandering questions. Slow movers. The woman who’s watch beeps every so often.

But I am try. And will keep trying. I have heard too much about the benefits. And I need to find more stress relievers. Or one that works. And so I keep trying.

One of the challenges of being a writer, especially a mystery writer, is that the observer is never able to be quieted. Ever. Perhaps that is part of my struggle. I can’t help but wonder why the guy who can barely put down his blackberry is really in a meditation class. (Doctor’s insistence? A girlfriend or boyfriend’s¬†ultimatum? A part of his parole?) What is the story of the man who never gets out of his pose (meditation bench, on his knees. I can’t do it for a minute, never mind a two hour class) and never stops smiling. And what about the woman with all the jewelry who dresses with an 80’s vibe and has a wicked Boston accent? And what about the older guy who I sat next to who had a small scrap of paper and kept taking notes with his green ink pen? What was he writing?

See, this is how I roll. I wonder, and then make up stories. And then put them in mine. Or maybe I focus on how he could be poisoned during a meeting. Or how she could smuggle something in under her too tight coat. Or what would happen if the huge statue in the meditation room fell off the platform during the walking meditation exercise.

No wonder I need to take the class.

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. edithmaxwell says:

    So true! It is very difficult to quiet the mind, especially as a writer. Lovely post, regardless!

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  2. Myrna says:

    I gave up the meditation thing as soon as I was 5 weeks into a yoga class. My attempt at meditation automatically became a nice, deep sleep. Sooooo I used the Yoga breathing technique to go to sleep when needed. Of course this whole scenario happened when I was in my 20’s and I WAS stressed then. Now, at 73, I can’t stay awake long enough to be stressed.

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  3. Ruth says:

    Wonderful post, Julie! And hey, towels must be thrown sometimes. Priorities shift, and shift again. Your writing this proves that! Thanks for sharing.

    I love how you’re able to observe and speculate so thoroughly. What a vivid and maniacal imagination you have! (Is poisoning on your mind ALL the time?!) There’s so much value in that attention, that acuteness. But if quieting your mind is the goal, consider it a long term one. Start with one minute–or maybe 30 seconds! (See zenhabits.net for thoughts on that!) It sounds to me that you desire stillness, but also time to let your mind wander and conjure. Maybe these are two entirely different things–and maybe you need to allow time for both?

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  4. I have a big glass jar for the things/happenings I’m grateful for. I just jot the thanks on a piece of paper, fold it and drop it in the jar. It’ll be nice to go through the notes on Christmas Day :).

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